When is it My Turn?: Overcoming Jealousy and Envy

I remember sitting in class while three of my classmates led the discussion. They talked about a retreat we came back from. My two female classmates were sharing their experience while my male classmate facilitated. I was furious. I’m one of the leaders of the class and I was on the retreat, yet no one asked me to lead. Even worse, my male classmate wasn’t there. It was a women’s retreat. I tried to keep my emotions to myself, but the more the guy interjected the madder I became. Finally I lashed out at the guy and before I could stop myself the words left my lips.

Me: Stop interrupting and let the girls speak. You weren’t even there.

Him: [shocked] I was asked by the teacher to help facilitate.

Me: [embarrassed] I’m just playing with you

But I wasn’t. I wanted answers. I wanted justice. I wanted to know what I was feeling… The anger welled up in my stomach, and I felt something squeezing my heart. I heard a voice taunting me, “They’re replacing you!” When I got home that night I cried out to God, “What’s wrong with me?”

It wasn’t just that moment. I also felt this way at work. At the time, I just started a new position and one of the girls on my team had been there for years. She was my age and although we had the same position, she seemed to be higher than me. She made the decisions, she managed the team, she hired the new team members and I was mad because I wanted to do that. This was the second time that I worked with someone MY age who seemed to be in a better position than me. When was it going to be my turn?

As I laid on the floor crying it hit me. I knew exactly what I was feeling; yet I choked the words down. I feared what would happen if I actually admitted it. But I knew that in order for it to lose its power over me, I needed to speak its name. I was JEALOUS. As I let the words leave my lips I felt so embarrassed. How could I be jealous? I said to God, “I no longer want to feel this way. Please heal me.” Immediately the work began.

JEALOUSY – Worrying that someone will take what you have and feeling like you will go without.

The following week, I went back to class and the teacher taught on James 4:1-2.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.”

My mind was blown. I had read these verses several times, but it never hit me until that moment. I lashed out on my male classmate because my desires were raging inside me. I have so many gifts and talents, but I felt stunted in my role. I was so tired of always taking the backseat to someone who knew/did less than me. When will it be my turn?

God reminded me that my turn is coming. I just needed to be patient and let Him finish the work in me BEFORE He released me. He actually told me, “What’s for you is for you and only for you.” Which meant that I was not forgotten nor left out. Although I felt like it was my turn, it wasn’t. I needed to remain submitted to God as He prepared what was mine. That gave me so much peace. Yet, I couldn’t help but feel like I was in last place.

Where did this all begin? When did I first start feeling like I was last? God took me down memory lane. I remember in my mid 20s, I was interviewing for my dream job and salary. If I got it, this meant that I would be in a good place financially. When I didn’t get the job my mom said to me, “I was really hoping you’d get it. It seems like we never get those opportunities. Our family is always last.” I cried. I felt and believed it. Years later in my early 30s, I was cooking and my mom said to me, “I can’t wait for you to be married. I’m just thinking everyone else is getting married and it seems like you all are last. Like this family is last. What’s taking God so long?” I was noticing a pattern. Was my family cursed? Were we destined to finish last? I thought about our poverty, our debt, our lack of marriages, and lack of fathers. I felt overwhelming anger. God showed me that this feeling of “last” ran deep in my family and was surfacing as jealousy.

So one night, I told God exactly how I felt. I felt left out. I felt overlooked. I felt slighted. I work hard, I’m doing HIS work, and I’m helping HIS people, why are other people getting blessed before me? I felt like the Prodigal Son’s brother, after the Prodigal son returned home and his father threw him a party.

Luke 15:28-31 reads: “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’ “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.

After I told God how I felt, His response was not what I expected. I felt an overwhelming feeling of love. God’s love. And it felt great. It was warming. It was peaceful. I felt like I was enough. God said to me, “When you’re feeling jealous, you’re actually feeling a lack of love from me. So look to me.” I was in awe. How could a perfect God love someone flawed like me? Someone filled with jealousy and rage. I mean I practically yelled at Him, yet He responded in love. Too many times we’re afraid to tell God how we truly feel because we think we’re being ungrateful.

He is perfectly capable of handling all of our emotions especially because He gave it to us. And His response is not like how people respond. He notices we have a deficiency and He fills us up instantly.

2 Corinthians 12:9 reads: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

After my revelation, doors started opening. But not for me. For my closest friends. Left and right God blessed my friends with new jobs, pay increases, new homes, marriages and more. Was this a test? Absolutely. As they shared their stories with me, initially I was fine, but days later jealousy reared its ugly head. I submitted to God and He filled me up with love. It was like my special download. The more my friends shared with me the more I rebuked jealousy and asked God for love. It was so powerful that as soon as an inkling of jealousy arose God shared His love with me. I was cured. Right?

ENVY – Wanting what someone else has.

I prayed to God for something I really desired. I just knew He was going to bless me… BUT He blessed my friend instead. He blessed my friend with my exact prayer. I couldn’t understand why until I started having thoughts about my friend. It wasn’t evil thoughts, but it was thoughts that made me feel like we had an issue with each other. Like the enemy was taunting me. Then I heard God say to me, “You want what she has?” And I responded, “No, I want what You have for me.” This went on for days until one morning, while doing devotion the writer talked about envy. Then I had the urge to define the difference between envy and jealousy. And it hit me. I was envious because what my friend had is what I wanted. As soon as I confessed it I felt free. I no longer had thoughts about her, but instead I praised and thanked God for what’s mine.

Recap: Overcoming Jealousy & Envy Process

  • I identified what I was feeling
  • I submitted the feelings to God
  • I pinpointed the root of jealousy in my life
  • I spoke honestly to God about it
  • He filled me up with His love
  • I was tested
  • I was Victorious

I find myself asking less and less, “God, when is it my turn?” Instead I thank Him in advance for the blessings He has for me. When I feel jealousy coming on I turn to God and He showers me with love. If you’re struggling with jealousy and envy recognize that those feelings are feelings of lack and the only way to be full & overcome it is to turn to God.

Share your thoughts with me. What do you do when you feel jealous?

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#BoldFaith I Quit My Job

God told me that this is the year of Double Portion. So I expected blessings on blessings, especially since last year was such a hard year. While my friends were getting raises and promotions at their job, I was eagerly awaiting mine. One night, as I laid on my floor crying, from frustration at work, God told me to quit my job. His direction was the complete opposite of what I actually wanted, but as I yielded to His guidance, I found myself on a journey to conquer my fears and walk in Bold Faith.

If you got 20 minutes, then I got you with an unforgettable story that will blow your mind and challenge your faith. 

God is That You?: How to Discern His Voice

One Friday Morning, I was laying in bed when I heard God say to me, “Get up! Get up! Get up!” It wasn’t an audible voice, but it was urgent. The voice would not stop until I responded, “God, if you’re telling me to go somewhere, please tell me where.” He then gave me a vision of my church. As I sat on the train, headed to Harlem, I was nervous and excited at the same time. I’ve never done anything like this before. This was a test of my faith. I knew that if God told me to go, then He had my back and there was nothing to fear. If you desire to have a relationship with God like this, check out my previous blog God is that You?: How to Hear From God, to learn some tips to build a relationship with God in order to clearly hear His voice. It’s also part 1 to this blog.

I got off the train; my heart was still racing and adrenaline flowing through my veins. What was I about to experience? As I neared 122nd and Madison, I saw Haddad Trucks. These trucks are used on film sets to carry equipment, set up offices, dressing rooms and much more. I laughed when I saw the trucks because my expectations were to go to my church and volunteer; however, God only showed me my church so that I would know what direction to head in. So I tested the theory. I walked by a couple of Teamsters (men who drive the Haddad trucks) and we made eye contact. I then proceeded to my church and stood across the street from the action.

God said to me,

“Go across the street.”

I walked back across the street to the Teamsters and struck up a conversation with them. It turns out they were shooting Season 4 of Bull on CBS. After my conversation ended with the Teamsters, I walked away. I intended to actually go into my church, but God instructed me to walk to the other side of the street, so I did. I crossed the street on Madison next to a schoolyard. This time, I walked until I felt the Holy Spirit tell me this is a good place. I was right next to set. I stood there for almost an hour. Since I didn’t know anything about the show, I researched the Executive Producers and the cast. Just in case God’s plan was for me to talk to one of them. After a drunken guy tried to holla and a couple of people thinking I was an actress, I started to get cold and tired.

I said to God,

“I trust You, but I’m getting real cold. It would be great to let me in on Your plan.”

I stood longer. Then I saw a beautiful Black woman escorting one of the leading actresses to set. I thought she’s definitely the person I’m going to speak to. She’s Black, I’m Black we have something in common. But she walked by three times and didn’t acknowledge me. I waited some more.

At about 1:45p, a white guy walked to the corner. He was average height with salt and pepper hair. He didn’t look older, but the stress of the job aged him a little. He was on his phone at first, so I didn’t think he was the guy I should speak to. When he got off the phone he stood on the corner for a while. So I asked him if he was the Location Manager. He replied that he was not, but he was willing to help me anyway. I told him I had no questions. He then apologized and walked away. This was my first time doing this. I wasn’t sure if I should continue the conversation or runaway and hide.

I said to God,

“Give me the words to say.”

After mustering up the courage to approach him one more time, I took a step, but someone crossed in front of me and I got nervous all over again. I didn’t want my waiting to be in vain, so for the third time I mustered up the strength to approach the guy again. I found out that he was the First Assistant Director on set. He talked about how he started at a lower position in 2016 and worked so hard for other people, but they overlooked him. They wouldn’t promote him. He finally got this position and he liked it, but he was still experiencing a little trouble. So I spoke to him from my experience in the industry and I told him, “Every rejection is redirection. You’re exactly where you need to be.” He looked at me relieved and thanked me. Just like that I was on the train back home. My mission was over.

I know what you’re thinking right now. How did I know my mission was over? How did I know that was the guy I was supposed to speak to? And most importantly, how did I know it was God who told me to go and not myself?

Discerning God’s voice isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. Once you have a relationship with Him, He will groom you to recognize His voice. Here are some key tips to discern God’s voice, from your voice, and from the enemy’s voice. I’m pretty sure there are other tips out there, but these tips were helpful to me.

There’s Peace When God Speaks

The most important thing to know is that God’s voice comes with peace. If you have conflicting views, worse if you feel confused, after you hear God speak, then it’s not God. God is not the author of confusion. The enemy is. There is no peace in what the enemy says, but there is peace in what God says.

1 Corinthians 14:33 reads “For God is not the author of confusion but of peace,”

I remember one year ago, I received almost $5,000 back from taxes. It was the first time I ever received this much money. I was so excited. I asked God what I should do with it and He responded,

“Give it to your Church.”

When He said it, I had so much peace with it. I just knew that if God was calling me to sow this seed that He was planning to bless me in return. So I tithed the entire thing. Months later, I found out that the seed money I sowed, helped pay for our Women’s Retreat. I felt so blessed to help out. At the end of that same year, I received a large bonus from my job. This time I had plans to pay some bills and save significantly. But I heard the voice again, “Give it to your church.” 2 Times in a year. What was going on? Did God want me to suffer? I felt such turmoil. Even worse, I started feeling bad that if I didn’t sow the seed I would be punished, I had no peace about it. I sought the counsel of a friend and she reminded me that if I didn’t have peace about it that it was not God. I decided not to sow the seed and I had peace with that decision. I knew God was talking to me.

It’s a Still Small Voice

Recognize how God speaks to you. God speaks to us in many ways, but one of the ways He speaks to us is internally to our spirit. Remember, God is Spirit and therefore He is communicating with your spirit.

1 Kings 19:11-12 reads: The Lord said [to Elijah], “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

 It’s important to spend quiet time with God and meditate to shut out the noise of the world. When God drops something on my spirit I can usually feel it deep down in my stomach. Most recently in my chest. Other times, in my right ear. It’s important that you are tuned in to when God is speaking, so you can recognize how He speaks to you.

Now, it’s important to know that the enemy also tries to influence our thinking and he tries to make his voice heard over God’s. But He is sly, and nothing he says is the truth. Usually his voice is subtle and starts off as a thought followed by guilt, shame, condemnation, or doubt. If you allow his voice to continue to speak to you he will plant seeds that will bear fruit of fear, worry, jealousy, pride and will prevent you from doing God’s will.

Check the Fruit

When God tells you to do something you can know for sure that He has told you to do it by the fruit you produce. If God is speaking to you then you will produce good fruit, but if satan is speaking to you then you will produce bad fruit.

Matthew 7:15-17 reads: Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.

God told me to move in crazy faith and I shared this news with my friend. In her attempt to “save me” she shot down my hopes. She fed into my fear. In fact, she told me that I needed to relearn God’s voice because clearly I didn’t hear from Him. For months I felt regret, sadness, and shame. Fear consumed me so much that I convinced myself that the gifts God gave me were not real. How could I misperceive God’s voice so badly? Months later, God confirmed that He in fact was talking to me and because I let someone stop me from doing His will, the blessing He had for me was delayed. My friend thought she was helping, but she actually sent me down a spiral of fear, doubt, and opened me to the attacks of the enemy. The fruits that she sowed were not Godly; therefore, she was not instructed by God to speak to me.

God’s Voice HAS to be First

This tip is especially in regard to someone prophesying over your life. If someone is telling you something that God had not revealed to you first, then chances are he or she did not hear it from God or they revealed it too soon. However, our God is soooo good that everything shared with us, can always be confirmed in His word.

Jeremiah 29:13 reads: You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I remember I was at a friend’s church. One of the leaders came to me and prophesied over my life.

She said, “You are called to be a lawyer. You will uphold the law.”

This was the first time I heard this. Her prophecy also didn’t align with what God has already called me to do.

So I responded, “Yes, God’s law.”

She then responded, “No, not just God’s law in the church but also in the court room.”

Now, I knew that she did not hear from God because God had NEVER revealed that to me. In fact, I’m a TV Producer, God has called me to tell stories, bring people together, and help people heal from their trauma. God never confirmed that I was called to be a lawyer, but He did confirm that I was called to create.

Now that you have the tips down, let’s see how these tips played out in my Friday adventure.

I woke up that morning and God said, “Get Up! Get Up! Get Up!” And then He showed me a vision of my church, which was the direction I needed to go. I know the thought wasn’t mine because my plan was to go grocery shopping. I had it planned for days. I had peace when God told me to go to my church. When I got to my church, I waited for God’s still small voice to instruct my next move. That’s when He told me go across the street. After I spoke to the First Assistant Director on set, he thanked me and he was relieved with the news. The fruit I bore was peace and joy. When I got home, I shared an Instastory about my adventure and several people reached out to me asking me how did I know it was God. Which then led me to write this blog. The fruit that my daring walk with God is still baring is peace. Knowledge about God’s word always brings peace.

I hope you found this blog helpful. Share your thoughts with me. Let me know if any of these tips help you. I’ll also share another blog on the different ways that God speaks to us.

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God is That You?: How to Hear From God

One morning I laid in bed and said, “God, my plan today is to go grocery shopping, but if you want me to do something else then let me know.” At this point I was 20 days into my 21 day fast. I didn’t eat, but I did drink liquids like water, tea, protein shakes etc. I’m a chef at heart. I absolutely LOVE to cook. In fact, one of my fave past times is grocery shopping. So after 3 weeks, of ignoring my best friends – Fairway, Stop & Shop, and Trader Joe’s, I was extremely eager to spend time with them :-). But God had another plan for me.

As I opened the bible to do devotion, I heard a voice say, “Get Up! Get Up! Get Up!” It wasn’t an audible voice. It was a voice from deep within. I could feel it pounding in my chest as if it were urgent. I looked around cause I knew I was home alone, yet the calling was so loud. I continued to read Luke 4, but the voice got louder. “Get Up! Get Up! Get Up!” So I jumped out of bed and looked out my window. Nothing happened. In fact, it was peaceful outside.

I thought, “I must be losing it.” I shook off the feeling and decided to work out. As I lifted weights, I heard the voice in my chest again with the same urgency:

“Get Up! Get Up! Get Up!”

I looked around and said,

“Ok God, if You’re telling me to go somewhere then please let me know where.”

As I continued to workout, a vision of my church popped in my head. At this point, it was about 11a on a Friday. I thought, “God must be calling me to volunteer.” So I continued to workout and I thought about how I would get there. I thought about driving, but parking might be an issue. That’s when God said,

“Take the train.”

The urgency in His voice made me cut my workout short. He wanted me to leave in that moment and I could no longer linger. As I got dressed I said to God,

“I don’t know what You have in store, but I have to be back home by 4p because I have a very important meeting later tonight. Or should I bring my clothes to change into for the meeting?”

He replied,

“Go empty handed.”

So, with only my purse in hand, I left my house…

I know what you’re thinking. How did I have a full-blown conversation with God? How did He respond so quickly and accurately to my questions? It wasn’t easy. It actually took years of being in His presence for me to know His voice. The more I trust Him the louder He becomes in my life. I’ll explain this further in my next blog, God is that You?: How to Discern His Voice.”

I’ve been asked by several people how do I know it’s God speaking to me. I’ll share my secret to hearing from God. Tbh, it’s not really a secret. Everything I say can be found in His word. If you follow the below tips I’m pretty sure He’ll be speaking to you too.

Build a relationship with God

 Some of us think that one day God is going to speak to us in an audible voice. Even if He did, if you don’t have a relationship with Him, you won’t recognize His voice. For some people, God is speaking to you right now and you’re ignoring Him because you think it’s a random thought. Building a relationship with God guarantees that you’ll hear Him speaking.

John 10 4-5 reads: “…his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

therefore, when He’s speaking, you ignore Him. Think about it, you know your spouse’s voice because you have a relationship with him or her. If he or she is yelling to you from another room, you’ll recognize the sound of his or her voice. The same way a child knows his or her parent’s voice, is how God wants us to know His voice. The best way to build a relationship with God is by spending time with Him. Which brings me to tip number 2.

Spend intentional time with God

Some people find this extremely difficult to do either because they’re too busy or they just don’t know what to do. The operative word is “intentional.” God doesn’t want your last minute time that you allot Him at the end of the day, or a drive by prayer session while commuting to work. He wants your undivided attention, time that you specifically carve out for Him.

James 4:8 reads: Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.

When I first started spending time with God, I didn’t know what to do. I’d read His word, but that became stale real quick. Spending time with God should be like how you spend time with a friend. When you first meet a friend you’re getting to know them. You’re talking to them on the phone, you’re going out with them. Do the same with God. I had a lot of tea dates with God. Mainly because I loved tea and I didn’t yet know what He liked to do. The more time you spend with God, the more He reveals His love languages to you.

I later graduated to coloring with God. During my teatime, I did a lot of talking. But when I colored, I was still and I could hear the soft whispers of God’s voice. Usually He’d tell me something about myself. Sometimes it was positive like, “You are loved.” “I am Your Father.” “You are safe.” Other times it was suppressed emotions. Like, “You’re disappointed in Me.” God loves us so much that He isn’t offended by our authentic feelings. His desire is to heal us, but He can’t do His part, until we do our part, so make sure you’re real with God. Trust me, He can handle it.

Read the Bible

So many people try to build a relationship with God, but refuse to read His word. They believe the bible is written by men and therefore flawed. How can we be sure that it’s God inspired? Faith. But other than faith, for you theologians, there is the Canon by which the books in the Old and New Testament were “ruled” as contents of the Bible. Of course there are other books, not in the bible, but those are considered Jewish History. I highly encourage you to read it so that you can understand the Jewish culture which will also help you understand the Bible.

Romans 10:17 reads: So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

If you’re going to increase your faith and hear from God then you need to know His word. For some of you, it’s difficult to read the Bible because it’s intimidating or you don’t understand it. Here are some things I do to better understand His word.

  • Before I open my Bible, I pray and ask the Holy Spirit to give me a revelation. Help me understand the word just like Christ intended it.
  • Secondly, I don’t just read any book. I usually ask God what to read or I go to the book that they mentioned in Church. If you are new to the Bible try reading the Book of John. It was the first book my Bible Study teacher told me to read. He said it was the easiest book in the Bible. I don’t know how true that is, but I was able to get through it and became a Bible Scholar lol.
  • Check your translation. Some of you are so stuck in the King James Version (KJV) and you can’t understand it. Welcome to the 21st century. There are so many translations. There’s the NIV, NLT, ESV, NKJV.
  • The Bible app has more than just devotionals. Devotionals are a good start to get you acquainted with the Bible, but understand that devotionals are mainly opinions of others. If you really want to know what your Father says, go to the source.
  • Lastly, if I tried all these things and I still don’t understand what I read, I read it again. And again. And again. I also ask God questions like, “What did you mean by that?” or “God that made no sense to me. Why did that happen?” He may not answer in that moment, but He will answer. It may come in the form of a friend, a pastor, something on the Internet, or a post on IG. It’s important to be alert when you ask God a question. You don’t want to miss the answer.

God gets excited when you take the time to learn about Him. I will release a second Blog Post, God is that You?: How to Discern His Voice.” I’ll give you tips on how to recognize that God is speaking to you rather than your own thoughts or the enemy. I’ll also complete my story on what God revealed to me when I got to my church.

I hope this post is helpful. If you want me to expound on anything  or if you want me to cover another topic let me know your thoughts. I’d love to hear from you.

How do you spend time with God?

Last Night I Met My Husband… In a Dream

“God Gave Me A Glimpse of My Future”

I laid in bed unable to go back to sleep. It was 4a. I tried reading my word, I tried deep breaths, but nothing worked. In just a few hours, I had a Birthday Brunch planned with my family. Thank God it was Saturday instead of a workday. Since my mind refused sleep, I decided to think about my future. I dreamt up my condo, what it would look like after I purchased it, and how I would use it to grow my business. My plan was to have a 2 bedroom and turn the second bedroom into a studio to shoot vlogs, but eventually my entire apartment would be used as a destination to shoot videos and films. I laid out how everything would look – down to the staff I would hire and the equipment I would rent out after my production grows so big.

I was satisfied with my thoughts and clearly so was my mind because I finally fell asleep. I woke up in the future. In the dream, I had really bad stomach pains and I was pregnant. In real life, it was menstrual cramps. I could hear my mom’s voice in the kitchen speaking so loudly, as a Jamaican mother would. Her voice rattled me, and I could feel myself waking up, but I knew God was about to give me a glimpse of my future. I needed to stay asleep and move quickly. I was in my current bedroom. There was a wall with a huge hole in it that separated my present and my future. Through the hole in the wall, I could see a really long dining room table. It was taller than me, so I climbed it. In the next room were two light skinned women with curly hair. Before I could fully reach them, I fell backwards into the present – back into my current room. I yelled up to the women, “I need help. God is trying to show me my husband, but I feel myself waking up. Can you help me?” All the while, the stomach pains grew intense and my mom’s voice even louder. I feared my dream would end before I could see my future. The two ladies said, “Sure, we’ll help you. Hurry, climb up again.” I did and this time they grabbed my hands and pulled me into their world. My hands fell flat on the table. I looked at it curiously because I was pregnant but saw no ring on my finger. As I glanced around the room, I saw a white lady sitting at the head of the table. Behind her was a family room and a wall plastered with photos of three children. All were white with blonde hair, but deep down I knew they were my children. I said to the ladies in the room, “Why are my children white?” No one responded.

I got off the table and then hurled over as my stomach pains intensified. I asked the white lady, “Why does my stomach hurt so badly?” She said, “Because you have an ectopic pregnancy.” I was at least 5-7 months along. That is very rare for that type of pregnancy. It turns out the white lady worked for me. She was my manager, but I’m not sure in what capacity. The two light skinned women who helped me on to the table were my friends. I then asked the white lady to show me my room and she pointed to the back of the house. I ran as fast as I could, so I wouldn’t waste any time. My bedroom was huge. There was furniture that lined the walls. Atop the chest of drawer and dresser were framed pictures. Each time I looked at a photo it came to life, reliving the night the picture was captured.

I came across a photo with 2 friends that I went to high school with; both dressed in matching gold dresses. It looked like they were bridesmaids in my wedding. I looked at another photo. It was Mariah Carey embarrassingly performing at the BET Awards. She was much older, could barely move, and was half dressed sliding down the stage in an uncomfortable sensual movement. It was hard to watch. Another picture was an aged Bow Wow performing. Another was my husband. He was on stage and well built. His body was like Michael B. Jordan’s (no I wasn’t married to Michael B. Jordan lol). His face was hidden in the shadow. I scoured the photos when finally, I saw his face. He was in the audience of another award show standing next to his best friend. Both were tall, his best friend was as light as Chris Brown. My husband had brown skin, a round face, and wore glasses. I wish I could describe his facial features, but I’m just not good at it. However, when I see him again, I will recognize his face.

I was satisfied, but I was still unsure if we were married. Especially because I had no ring on my finger. I ran out to our side yard. Our property keeper, a Hispanic man, was cleaning up. There was a garage and 4-5 sheds. Each shed held an individual stroller. And the last shed was a bathroom with a bunch of urinals piled up. I asked our Property Keeper, “Is my husband at work?” He responded, “Yes, he left hours ago.” I was relieved. I then asked, “What’s our address?” He looked at me like I was crazy and then responded, “1129 E. 30th Street” I can’t remember the rest of the address. I ran to the front of the house because I wanted to see what it looked like.

We lived in a corner house on a tree lined street. It was quiet. It looked like we had 2-3 houses combined with multiple floors. Almost like a mini mansion. I got down on my knees and I started crying, thanking God for His goodness. I shouted, “You gave me more than I asked for. Thank you, Father!” Then I thought, “You took a project girl and gave her this.” Suddenly, I was no longer in front of my house. I was in a room performing for a gospel artist. God revealed that I had changed careers. I no longer worked in television. Instead I was a gospel song writer. The song I was performing was my newest one. It was upbeat pop. The lyrics I wrote were powerful and it praised God. I don’t remember all of the lyrics, but I recorded the melody. If I could attach it here, I would.

When I awoke from the dream, I praised God. I told Him, “Forget what I had in mind. I want what You have for me.” I made up in my heart that I would submit and let God order my steps instead of moving in my own power. It was clear that

I hope this story inspires you, the reader. You may be waiting on God to fulfill His promise in your life. You may be waiting on a husband, a new job, or even to get pregnant. You may also be getting tired of waiting, but patience is part of the process. You’ve made it too far to settle now, so don’t give up. God’s Promise is worth the wait.

It’s not the first time God gave me a glimpse of my future. You could check out the time I attended Black Girls Rock.