The Middle of Nowhere: Wilderness Season

I was sitting in a prayer class at my church listening as the teacher spoke about Apostle Paul – the one who wrote most of the New Testament in the Bible. At this point in my walk I was stagnant and very disappointed in the church. Not particularly in my church, but the church in general. I felt like no matter where I went I knew more than the teachers and ministers. I grew very bored with their watered down messages. It seemed like we were always learning about the same things: David and Goliath, Daniel in the Lions Den, Joseph from the Pit to the Palace (if only you could see me rolling my eyes). There’s nothing wrong with these stories, but how many times are we going to analyze that David killed Goliath with one stone? There’s more to the bible than that and I desired to go deeper. I wanted to learn about spiritual warfare, angelology, demonology, reading the bible in Greek or Hebrew (yep this really fascinates me). I wanted to speak about sex, Spiritual abuse, church hurt, and all the things we don’t talk about in church, but it seemed as if they’re not equipped. Each time I inquired about these topics I was told to go to seminary.

Then the teacher said something so profound. She said, “Jesus, Himself, taught Paul for three years before Paul began his ministry…” I was shocked. I didn’t even think that was possible. But then again, anything is possible with God.

Galatians 1:11-12 reads,

I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that the gospel I preached is not of human origin. 12 I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it; rather, I received it by revelation from Jesus Christ.

In that moment God spoke to me, “I’m going to train you.” I wasn’t sure what that entailed, but as soon as I said yes to God my training began. He opened my eyes to the spirit world and it was no joke. Yes it’s real! So is satan and so is Hell! I remember one morning lying on the floor crying because I thought I was losing my mind. I was seeing things “normal people” couldn’t see. That was 2019. At the close of that year I thought my training ended. However, in 2020, God enrolled me in an accelerated course that took place in the Wilderness.

The Wilderness is a season where it’s just you and God. He is your source. He provides your shelter, food, clothes, direction, encouragement etc. He is a cloud by day and a fire by night (Ex 13:21-22). Nothing grows in the wilderness. There are barely any opportunities, the warfare is intense, and it seems like you will never reach your destination. This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this season and it most likely won’t be the last. The most important thing to note is that everyone that God calls to lead MUST go through a wilderness season. Usually it’s right before He releases you into ministry. For some people it happens during their release into ministry. It’s best to go through this season before the spotlight hits you because there is nothing pretty about it. I cried almost every day.

The wilderness season is designed specifically for you to build your character, increase your faith, and heal you. The children of Israel was in the wilderness – Exodus 15, Joseph was in jail – Genesis 39:19, King David was on the run from Saul – 1 Samuel 21, and Jesus was led to the wilderness by the Spirit – Matthew 4. In the wilderness there are two temperatures. In the day it’s scorching hot and at night its freezing cold. The type of wilderness you experience is contingent upon the work God is doing in you. When it’s scorching hot, you have to pack light and dress light. Having too much on your body will kill you. This means that there are things that God wants you to shed. It could be pride, covetousness, jealousy, anger, unforgiveness, offense or more. These things are holding you back from reaching the Promise Land. When it’s freezing cold, you have to cover up. Having too little on will freeze you. This means there are things that God wants you to put on. It could be healing, faith, trust, power, or honor not having these things are preventing you from reaching the Promise Land.

My wilderness was freezing cold. There were things God wanted to heal me from that I had no idea were there. I needed to heal from sexual trauma, rejection, and disappointment. God took His time, while I preferred to rush the process. It seemed like everyone else around me was getting blessed, while I was in surgery.

February 2020, I had a very disturbing dream that revealed my true feelings towards sex. Secretly I was running from it and was not looking forward to it in my marriage. I know it’s strange, but my history with it led to a fear of it. I talk about this more in my video: Sex Was Haunting Me. The realization was buried so deep within me. I had no idea it was there, but God knew and He knew I couldn’t keep on like that especially because the enemy would’ve used it to destroy my marriage. The healing process took a couple of months. First God uprooted the lies I believed about sex. Then He replaced the lies with His truth. Lastly He released me to talk about it. Speaking about it is what freed me from the torment. I was bound because I felt foolish for even having the fear. I cried each time I spoke about it privately until one day the chains were loosed because I went public with it. The enemy no longer Blackmailed me. I gained my freedom and power.

August 2020, I received a prophecy that spiraled me into days of disappointment. I moped around the house crying because I felt like God had failed me. I desired very strongly to move out of my mother’s house, but the prophecy revealed that it was not happening any time soon. While I cried, God asked me, “Can I heal you from disappointment?” I was annoyed that He even asked, but days later when I finally said yes God showed me that the root of my disappointment was rejection. All my life I’ve felt overlooked and undervalued in my jobs, at my church, sometimes in my friendship circles. I grew up in Edenwald projects in the Bronx living in an environment where Black bodies are devalued. The rejection and disappointment made me feel unworthy of God’s very best for my life. So I settled. God wanted me to believe Him for more, but it was hard when all I ever saw was poverty and broken homes. He wanted to tear down my altar of unbelief and resurrect His altar of faith. I didn’t know how to let go and the Holy Spirit said to me, “Don’t worry about it. Let me do it.” And He did. In the center of my soul was the word REJECTION. He set me free from it and replaced it with the word CHOSEN. I go into the details of my personal deliverance Here.

My wilderness season didn’t end with my healing. In the midst of it God taught me how to speak in tongues. This is a spiritual gift that I didn’t think existed because of false doctrine being taught in my childhood church. Although I’m filled with the Holy Spirit, I rejected the gift of tongues in my heart. In order for me to receive it, I had to desire it and ask God for it. One day during worship I strongly desired to express my adoration to God, but there were not enough words in the English Dictionary. I got on my knees and asked God for a new language. He told me, “I’ll walk you through it.” Thus began one full week of training.

Each time I met God He took me to a Canyon with red dirt all around (these were visions). No one was there but a cloud and me. God said, “Speak.” And I did. I started by saying “I love you Jesus” over and over again until it felt like my tongue was tied and a new language fell out of my mouth. I was amazed and scared at the same time. What if I was speaking a demonic language? I didn’t even know what I was saying. The next day, we began again and I felt God’s hand on my back as He coached me to, “Let go.” I spoke, but I stopped. I couldn’t do it because it was hard to trust that it was God leading me. I was so scared that satan had intercepted my prayers and was deceiving me. Plus my gift of tongue didn’t sound like anyone else’s. Mine sounded like it was from a country in Asia. However, I no longer wanted to be bound and I wanted to trust God with all my heart, soul and mind. So I let go and spoke… Fluently.

The Holy Spirit asked me, “What are you saying?”

I responded, “I don’t know and I don’t care as long as you’re leading me.”

He responded, “Exactly.”

From that moment the power of my tongue was released. God took me deeper than I’d ever gone before. He showed me visions of nations that I was praying for, visions of people I was interceding for; He showed me the sound of the Prophet’s cry, and I even sang in tongues. It was glorious.

After all the training and healing, God tested me. The test was 2 months long and I had to demonstrate everything I learned. I was still in the wilderness, but here the temperature was turned up by like 100 degrees. The enemy tempted me, lied to me, and tried to deceive me into giving up a blessing that God gave me. He infiltrated my friendship and divided a ministry that I was leading. I had to stand firm on God’s promises and remain steadfast when it seemed like nothing was working in my favor. The test ended in November and I passed! Then on December 31, 2020 I graduated! I didn’t know that my training would conclude with a graduation.

While I was going through my test, God was making a way in the wilderness (Is 43:19). Clubhouse – a new social app that allows you to host discussions with users worldwide – began sweeping the nation. It’s like a modern day chat room. On the app there are multiple groups. The number 1 Christian Group on the app is the But God Community and God made a way for me to be a lead moderator. I host a developmental workshop every Thursday evening. The topics are handpicked by me and approved by God. On the last day of the year I chose to cover The Power of Salvation: Walk in Your Authority. Leading up to the discussion God kept giving me visions of doing an altar call. I thought maybe I was doing too much, but I really had a strong desire to do it. At the close of the session I did it. Someone raised their hand. I was so emotional. So nervous. I had never done this before, but I felt the Holy Spirit right next to me giving me the words to say. Just like He did when He taught me how to speak in tongues. Just like He did when He delivered me from rejection and healed me from disappointment. Just like He did when He healed me from sexual trauma. As I spoke tears welled up in my eyes and throat.

As we welcomed home the new soul God said to me, “Well done good and faithful servant. Your training is over.”

If you enjoyed this blog feel free to check out my other blogs Here.

I’d Love to Hear From You!

Have you gone through a Wilderness season? What was it like? Leave a comment below.

Relationship With God – 3 Lessons Learned From Satan

Christmas is right around the corner and I wanted to gift all my readers something very special. No it’s not material things, but it is something that will bless your soul and embolden you moving forward. It’s something that is so evident, yet we won’t recognize it until it’s all in one place. So here goes.

You know that guilty feeling you get right after you sin? You feel like a Disappointment. Ashamed. Unworthy. You wish you could take the sin back, but it’s too late. You hang your head. You avoid your reflection. Of course, you know you’re forgiven, but your heart tells you to give God space anyways. Even worse, we get the same feeling when we don’t spend enough time with God. We often say things like, “I should pray more.” “I should read my Bible more.” This isn’t what God wants.

I mean of course He wants us to read our Bible and pray, but He doesn’t want us to feel like we HAVE to do it and then feel GUILT because we don’t. I know this sounds crazy because it’s contrary to what we hear in church. The reality is God is after our heart, not our actions. He wants us to DESIRE Him, not try to IMPRESS Him with our works. Yet the enemy would have us believing otherwise, but why?

I pondered this question one day as God trained me in Spiritual Warfare. I noticed that the enemy works overtime to get us to believe false things about God, false things about ourselves, and false things about himself. The truth, if you ever knew who you really are in Christ you will realize how much power you have over the enemy. Just with one word from you, he has to bend the knee. Not because it’s you, but because of who lives inside of you. And when Jesus speaks – Every knee shall bow and every tongue will confess that He is Lord (Philippians 2:10-11). As evil as satan is, there is still much that we can learn from him. These lessons will help to silence the voice of shame, which is satan, and release the voice of Love, which is the Holy Spirit.

Lesson Number 1

satan still enters God’s presence sin and all

It was September 2, 2020. I was on IG Live giving tips on how to hear from God. My ministry is to teach people how to hear His voice clearly and confidently. In the midst of sharing why we should push past that guilty feeling of not spending enough time with God and still enter His presence, the Holy Spirit whispered to me, “Even satan approaches the throne, sin and all.” A light bulb went off as the Holy Spirit recalled to my mind the vision of satan before the throne requesting to test Job. Don’t just skim over this revelation let it sink in. Because the next time the enemy tries to guilt you out of the Father’s presence tell him you’re only doing what he’s doing and exercising your right.

Job 1:6-12 Reads:

Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them. The Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” And the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?” Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for no reason? 10 Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. 11 But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.” 12 And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.” So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.

From this we can glean that satan, along with God’s angels, regularly meets with God. Picture family dinner, angels all around reporting back to God their findings from earth. Next shot, the bad angel walks in, with some dirt on his shoes tracking it all over the marble floors. He plops in his seat and puts his feet atop the dinner table. Even in all his rudeness, the kind Father still allows Him to make a request. Which brings me to the second point of this lesson satan still asks God for stuff. So if he does that, what makes you think you can’t. You’re God’s child, an heir to the Kingdom. God already adopted us as His children (Eph 1:5), He has chosen us as a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9), He loves us so much that He sacrificed His only begotten son for us (John 3:16). Therefore, you have the right and AUTHORITY to BOLDLY approach the throne because there you will find grace to help you when you need it most (Hebrews 4:16). satan know this. He also knows that if he could keep you away from the throne long enough you’ll feel powerless.

Lesson Number 2

satan recognizes the importance of community

Earlier this year I was leading a ministry that I started with a friend. We were devoted to teaching people how to build a personal relationship with God. A lot of our teachings focused on Identity, God’s character, and setting people free. Each week we grew strong in numbers. About 5 months into the ministry we began teaching on Spiritual Warfare. We taught people how to war in the spirit, the importance of their legal rights, and the importance of territory. We even assigned prayer partners. Well, satan didn’t like that. He knew that our community would continue to grow and the more people we taught, the more prepared they’d be to destroy his kingdom. Before we could even start teaching on deliverance, satan discreetly entered our ministry and planted a seed of offense in one of the other leaders. I’m not sure when He did it because I was on a 5-week leave, but when I returned it only took him 3 weeks to unleash his assault. He successfully divided and destroyed our ministry.

Matthew 12:22-28 reads:

Then one was brought to Him [Jesus] who was demon-possessed, blind and mute; and He healed him, so that the blind and mute man both spoke and saw. 23 And all the multitudes were amazed and said, “Could this be the Son of David?”

24 Now when the Pharisees heard it they said, “This fellow does not cast out demons except by Beelzebub, the ruler of the demons.”

25 But Jesus knew their thoughts, and said to them: “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand. 26 If Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand? 27 And if I cast out demons by Beelzebub, by whom do your sons cast them out? Therefore they shall be your judges. 28 But if I cast out demons by the Spirit of God, surely the kingdom of God has come upon you.

Just like God has a kingdom, so does satan. satan’s kingdom is equipped with demons who strategically watch our every move and launch attacks to get us to sin and pull us away from God. They operate as one unit with satan as the head. He understands united we stand, divided we fall and that’s why he works overtime to destroy our unity. If he can focus us on fighting one another then we will be too distracted and wounded to fight him. But if we could rise above the offense, forgive, and make a conscious decision to sacrificially love one another we could accomplish God’s work and do some serious damage to satan’s kingdom. We could set people free and empower them to go and do the same.

Lesson Number 3

satan understands the importance of God’s word

Last year I was struggling with my finances. My salary wasn’t bad, I was on a budget, yet it seemed like I was bleeding money. My bank account seemed to always be over drafted and my savings was not growing. I kept saying things like, “I’m broke.” “I don’t have any money.” I was a tither, so why wasn’t God blessing my finances? Well, a friend of mine bought me this book, “God’s Creative Power for Finances” by Charles Capp. In the book the author speaks about the power of speaking into our own lives (Romans 4:17).

My mind was blown. God was showing me that each time I spoke negative about my finances I was binding the Holy Spirit’s power, which was actually manifesting satan’s will for my life – to steal, kill, and destroy me. The Holy Spirit told me, “I want you to declare My promises over your life.” As soon as I did I saw an instant change in my finances. No, I didn’t get more money, but my account was no longer over drafted, and I was actually able to start saving money. One year later, without a job, I feel richer today than last December and that’s because with my words I came out of agreement with satan and came into agreement with the Holy Spirit.

Matthew 4:1-11 reads:

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’ ”

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:

“‘He will command his angels concerning you,
    and they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’ ”

Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’ ”

Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

10 Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’ ”

11 Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

God’s word is alive and active (Hebrews 4:12). When we SPEAK it it comes alive. That’s why it’s important to KNOW the word. Because we can use the word to affirm who we are and speak against satan’s attacks. Each time satan tried to tempt Jesus, Jesus declared, “It is written…” and because He was firm on the word satan’s power was limited. Also notice that satan quoted scripture to deceive Jesus. satan knows the word, so should you! The enemy works overtime to discourage us from reading the bible. Then he convinces us that speaking our God given desires, plans, and visions out loud will jinx it. Some of us are so bound that we don’t even speak positive affirmations over our life. We’re so blind to how powerful our words are. satan also twists scripture. He knows that twisting the word will render it powerless. The word is to set us free but when misused it really enslaves us.

If we put these three lessons into action in our lives it will embolden us and strengthen our walk with God.

Just Remember:

  1. satan approaches the throne so should you – it is your right and authority to approach God’s Throne. Regardless if you sinned or didn’t read your Bible, you can still ask God for things because He is Gracious.
  2. satan has his community so should you – your community is important. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. Three strands is not easily broken (Ephesians 4:12).
  3. satan knows the word so should you – there is power in the words you speak ESPECIALLY God’s word.

I hope you found these lessons helpful and inspiring. Use it to feed your soul this Holiday. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

If you enjoyed this blog feel free to binge on my other blogs and videos right Here.

Which one of these lessons can you implement in your life right away? Comment below.

This Christmas: Gift Yourself…

It’s that time of year again where bloggers are writing about best gift ideas and influencers are advertising gifts that make you wanna spend all your money. I decided to join the club, but I’m not offering you clothing and appliance tips. I’m offering something much more valuable. This is the chance for you to Get 👏🏿 Your 👏🏿 Life 👏🏿 PERIODT!

2020 was a challenging year for all of us, but the one thing it did gift us was the opportunity to look within and heal! If you spent the year running, then may this blog catch you and hit you HARD because we will NOT enter 2021 with the same mess we had all our lives. So here’s an idea that you can gift yourself, gift a friend, and return gift to sender. Enjoy!

Gift Yourself: Boundaries

I used to have a vision of me doing a one-hand stand. Sometimes I was juggling balls with my feet and sometimes my free arm was twirling huge circus rings. I didn’t understand the vision, until one day I realized I only got the vision whenever I felt like I was people pleasing. Yes, I was a People Pleaser and I’m so glad God freed me from it, because before I was so bound by the opinions of others. I never wanted to let anyone down, but the reality is the root of people pleasing has nothing to do with others and everything to do with how you feel about yourself. I felt unworthy. For instance, I had a friend who constantly asked me to help her with video projects and I’d always say yes. She was a close friend of mine, so I wanted to help. But working on her projects always infringed on mine. Low key, I thought if she was successful then she’d help me too. But that was me not believing in myself and accepting the lie that my work wouldn’t lead me to my own success. My people pleasing didn’t stop there. I had other friends who didn’t mind if I spent money at their expensive birthdays, but when my birthday came around they were always “conveniently” busy. I’m a super loyal friend. I would go above and beyond for you, but loyalty doesn’t mean stupidity and I had to learn that. True friends encourage your boundaries. They recognize the importance of it because it makes you feel secure and helps you to remain authentic to you.

Tips for Setting Boundaries

  1. Set a Standard for Friendship – Defining my friendships really helped me. In 2017, I followed Bishop TD Jakes’s advice and listed all of my friends into three categories.

The first is Confidant. People in this category are your closest friends. The relationship thrives off of transparency, honesty, and deep conversations. They desire to see you thrive, and they pour into you as you equally pour into them.

The second is Constituent. People in this category share a common ground with you, but once you’re removed from that common ground then the friendship falls apart. So these people may be colleagues, classmates, church mates, or someone you met at a networking event.

The third is Comrade. People in this category hate the things you hate. You bond very strongly over those things, but once it’s gone the friendship falls apart. This may be someone you bonded with at an anti-Trump rally or someone who hates to eat peanuts just as much as you do.

Once I put my friends into categories I realized that all of my confidants had a few things in common. All were transparent, open, and authentic. I recognized this was my standard for friendship.

  1. Say No – People Pleasers say yes all the time even when they’re on the brink of a burn out. Each time you say yes to someone make sure you’re not saying no to yourself. Like me when I prioritized my friend’s video projects over mine. If your friends truly are your friends they will honor your time. So they would understand when you say no. And feel free not to explain yourself when you do say no. Saying, “Thanks for thinking of me, but I can’t participate” or “No thank you” are completely okay.
  2. Be Selfish – I know it’s strange to say this especially because the world frowns down on selfish people, but in this sense I mean put you first. Even Jesus put Himself first. He would minister to crowds of people and when they wanted more of Him, He’d run away to a secluded area to pray and re up on the Holy Spirit, Luke 5:15-16. Instead of “fixing” other people, focus on you and let the other people fix themselves.

Give the Gift: Forgiveness

7 years ago, I was in a relationship that I didn’t feel secure in. My ex was very manipulative and emotionally abusive. He struggled with unforgiveness and often held on to things that he should’ve let go. Whenever conflict arose he’d bring up past incidents indicating that he never forgave me. This went on for about 6.5 years until finally I had to leave. Here are a couple of things that I learned about unforgiveness, which can help you break free from its cycle. Once freed, you can then give the gift of forgiveness this year.

  1. Unforgiveness stems from the spirit of offense. That’s right! Offense is a spirit and the spirit world is real (Eph 6:12-13). So people who get offended easily are usually the ones harboring unforgiveness. These are people who have trust issues or were deeply hurt, so the spirit of offense comes in promising to protect them from getting hurt again. In reality

  2. Unforgiveness is feeling like someone owes you something. I had a friend who ended our friendship because she felt like I abandoned her on her Birthday. The truth is I was unavailable for the weekend celebration, but I was available on her actual Birthday. I tried to explain that to her when she called me to “hear my side.” As I began to speak she cut me off and yelled, “You’re still not taking accountability for anything you’ve done!” I recognized she didn’t call to hear me out she called for an apology because she felt that I owed her that. But the word says that we should, “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends us. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others,” Colossians 3:13.

The truth is you will get hurt in relationships. I think we expect that people will never hurt us, but this is unrealistic. We, humans, are flawed. We will break your trust, offend you, and embarrass you. It’s inevitable. But it’s your choice to forgive us. I recognize it’s not easy to do, but it’s not impossible. When someone hurts me I ask God to heal me, show me how to set a boundary so that they never do it again, and then I forgive them. It takes faith to forgive and you’ll need help to do it. Forgiveness is a process, so don’t think you have to do it in one sitting. Pastor Mike Todd is one of my fave pastors. He has a series out now entitled, “Forgiveness University.” This is a great resource to help you forgive.

Return the Gift: Comparison

You know how you get that one gift that you don’t like and you’re so glad the giver put the gift receipt in the box? Well, that’s how we’re gonna treat Comparison. RETURN TO SENDER. Comparison leads to jealousy and envy and that’s not something that’s easy to tackle. First of all, just admitting that you’re jealous takes a lot of willpower and humility. Believe me, I should know because just last year, God healed me from jealousy and envy. He pretty much showed me that when I’m feeling jealous it’s because I feel a lack of love from Him. I wrote all about it in my blog, When Is It My Turn?: Overcoming Jealousy and Envy. I’m so glad that He healed me because it totally prepared me for this year. I struggled A LOT with comparison. Mainly because I felt like God gave me a prophetic word that this is the year of Double Portion and I clung to it, but when others were getting blessed I wasn’t. In my prayer time I reminded God of all the things I did and how obedient I was, but nothing changed. I felt forgotten and overlooked. God kept reminding me of the truth that I was chosen. I did two things in order to overcome comparison.

  1. Thanksgiving – I found things to be grateful for and thanked God for it. Like although I didn’t have a job, all of my bills were paid. I didn’t get my dream home, but I was grateful I had a place to live. It wasn’t always easy to find things to be grateful for especially when you’re in the middle of a COVID-19 shut down. But thanking God kept my mind off of what I didn’t have and shifted my focus to what I did have.
  2. Celebrate – I celebrated the blessings that my friends received from God. This was actually easier than finding things to be grateful for. Mainly because I was genuinely happy for my friends and their achievements reminded me of how good God is.

We’re always gonna compare ourselves to others it’s part of our culture, but you don’t have to let it overtake you. Instead of comparing your weaknesses to someone else’s strengths look at their strengths as an inspiration and door opener to new possibilities. If they can do it so can you. There are so many people doing amazing things and they set a bar so high that may seem intimidating at first. Turn that intimidation into motivation and rise to the occasion.

I hope you found these gifts delightful. Use it to feed your soul this Holiday. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

If you enjoyed this blog feel free to binge on my other blogs and videos right Here.

What gift are you giving this year? Comment below.

Look Who’s Talking: Navigating the Voices in Your Head

Pain has a voice.

Disappointment has a voice.

Fear has a voice.

However, Faith and Love also has a voice. The difference between when Fear is speaking and when Faith is speaking is the source. God is love so everything He says is in love. Everything He says reveals His character. However, sometimes it’s hard to hear Him above the other voices in our head. We’ve experienced a lot of trauma in our lives especially this year. So how can you tell which voice to listen to? Keep reading. I’ll take you through my journey on how God trained me to hear His voice in the midst of chaos and how He cleared the other voices from my head.

This year God told me that I would live by Bold Faith. In a series of faith steps I listened to Him as He told me to:

  1. Quit my job without another lined up…
  2. Pack my boxes without a home lined up…
  3. Get pre approved on a home without money lined up…
  4. Leave my church without another lined up…

Crazy, right? The year is almost over, and all the promises that God made me has yet to come true. I’ve gone through a series of emotions, disappointment, rejection, anger, frustration and even doubt. I kept questioning did I hear God correctly? But each time I entered His presence He reminded me that I was exactly where He wanted me. In the middle of nowhere. The middle of nowhere is a wilderness season. The children of Israel was in the wilderness – Exodus 15, Joseph was in jail – Genesis 39:19, King David was on the run from Saul – 1 Samuel 21, and Jesus was led to the wilderness by the Spirit – Matthew 4. The middle of nowhere is a place designed specifically for you. Here is where you’ll learn to hear God, build intimacy with Him, and rely on Him daily. Here is where He’ll also test your heart. I speak more about this in a previous blog – Battlefield: A Test of Faith.

It’s extremely difficult to hear God through the distractions in our life. It’s even harder to discern His voice from the many voices in our head. Each voice is competing against the other trying to be dominant. There’s God’s voice, satan’s voice, and our voice. However, to hear God clearly and confidently takes faith and a desire for relationship with Him. God responds to our desires especially when it aligns with His – John 15:7. How do we discern between the three voices? It’s important to first note, what each voice sounds like.

What Does God Sound Like?

I’d hate to state the obvious, but God sounds like me. He also sounds like YOU. He sounds like our thoughts. He speaks in our voice in our head. It’s no wonder people are confused if God is speaking or not because it’s really difficult to tell the difference between the two voices when it all sounds the same. So to help discern I’ve drafted what God sounds like in your head:

LovingBut you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Psalm 86:15

PeacefulThe LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. Psalm 29:11

CalmingWith his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. Zeph 3:17

PatienceBut the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, Gal 5:22

EncouragingMay God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Romans 15:5

ReassuringEven to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4

ComfortingBlessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 2 Cor 1:3

EnlighteningFor the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 1:7

ConvictingAnd when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment John 16:8

GuidingYour word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path. Ps 119:105

This helps me because whenever I’m questioning if God spoke to me I often recall how His voice sounded and did it reveal His character. Whenever God speaks there is peace, there is love, there is joy. These are the fruit of the Spirit that doesn’t change nor go away despite our present circumstances. It’s also important to note that discerning God’s voice can’t solely be based on how we feel. Our feelings are fleeting and sometimes cannot be trusted. You must discern to make sure that satan isn’t appearing as the angel of light to deceive you – 2 Cor 11:14.

What Does satan Sound Like?

satan also sounds like YOU. Mind-blowing? Not really. I once asked a friend of mine why can’t it be easy, so I know for sure that God is speaking to me and she replied, “What would be the point of discernment?” She’s right. So for those of you looking for a quick and easy way to hear God, it’s not gonna happen. The process God takes us through is to build our confidence in knowing His voice. Here’s what satan sounds like:

CondemnationFor God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. John 3:17

AccusationsThen he showed me [Zechariah] Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right side to accuse him. Zech 3:1

ImpatienceWhoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. Proverbs 14:29

FearFor God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Tim 1:7

LiesYou belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44

Hopelessness…The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness [hopelessness].” Is. 61:3

DiscouragingThe thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

TemptingThen Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. Matt 4:1

ConfusingFor God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints. 1 Cor 14:33

DeceivingNow the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field, which the Lord God had made. Gen 3:1

Though some of the scriptures above do not necessarily point to satan, it does reflect who God is and whatever is not of God is of the enemy’s kingdom. This is helpful because there has been many times that God has given me specific direction and then days later I can hear a contradicting voice telling me to do the opposite. The voice usually leaves me fearful or confused and I can discern that it’s satan, not God! satan only speaks what’s in Him. He is condemned so he speaks from condemnation. God is love, so He speaks from love.

What Do I/YOU Sound Like?

Now that we know what God and satan sound like, what do you sound like? God once told me that the difference between His voice and mine is that I speak more about my desires and He speaks about His desires. Now, that was actually mind blowing. He revealed this to me on day 4 of my solo retreat Whisper: Hearing God. I noticed that I’m constantly planning, constantly thinking about what’s next, constantly focused on what I want in life. On the contrary some people are in a perpetual state of pain so they’re constantly thinking about past traumas, how to avoid getting hurt again, or all the mistakes they’ve made. But God, on the other hand, is always talking about His desires, which is for us to have an intimate relationship with Him. He will constantly give us direction that will lead us back to Him. Why is that His desire? Because He wants us to know what our original design is.

The world is constantly trying to break us down so that we operate less than what God created us to be. But when we tap back into the source then He reassures us of who we really are – Powerful!

How Does This All Come Together?

Last year, I was one of the leaders for a Women’s Retreat. Leading up to the retreat, God revealed to me that I was going to spend most of it alone. I didn’t know why, but as the weekend went on He was actually in the process of delivering me from the spirit of control. It required very little distractions. Although this was God’s plan, the other people leading the retreat with me didn’t know. I thought God would’ve clued them in, but He didn’t. So after the retreat, I met up with them. I wanted to tell them all the amazing things that God did, but instead they were too upset. They accused me of abandoning them, abandoning the participants, and disregarding my leadership position. I felt attacked. I felt shame. satan kept telling me that they were against me. I actually questioned if God really did isolate me on the retreat or was it satan’s plan all along. In the midst of the chaos, God said to me, “Hold on to my voice.” A sudden peace came over me. God continued to reassure me, “These are your friends. They’re not against you. But they don’t know what I have shown you.” Needless to say, I did end up explaining my side and we resolved the conflict.

If I didn’t discern the situation correctly, I would’ve retaliated and gave into what the enemy wanted. satan tried to cause division in our group, plant seeds of distrust in my heart, and seeds of betrayal in theirs. Knowing God’s voice in that situation helped me navigate the voices in my head, which allowed me to spot the enemy’s attacks.

I hope you found this blog helpful.

Want more resources to help you hear from God, click Here.

 Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to engage with you.

Battlefield: A Test of Faith

I was on the battleground. The war was waging. The enemy firing his attacks and my body absorbing it like a sponge. I was exhausted, but I was praying hard that the attacks would stop and that I would be victorious. I could hear several voices. The loudest voice was telling me to do something contrary to what God initially directed me to do. I came so close to giving up. I kept crying out for help, but it seemed that no one could help me. Then my body fell to the ground and I closed my eyes. Sleep consumed me.

I awoke 5 minutes later and I heard in a very loud voice, “GET UP AND FIGHT FOR WHAT’S YOURS! YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO YOUR PEACE!” Now re energized I finally had the strength of the Holy Spirit. I stood up and rebuked the enemy, silencing him and calling down angels to fight this battle for me. Then peace befell my room.

This is a glimpse of the spiritual warfare we undergo as Christians. The battlefield is our minds. The enemy’s weapons are lies, doubt, deceit etc. The weapons of the Holy Spirit – worship, prayer, fasting, speaking His truth etc. On this day, the enemy tried to convince me to denounce a blessing that God gave me. He wanted me to quit ministry. What helped me win was clinging to the word God initially spoke to me prior to the battle. But it wasn’t easy. The enemy was using a close friend of mine to confuse me. God directed me to do something that my friend (a minister) did not agree with. Of course the simple solution would be to follow God, which I did. But as a result of my choice, I lost my friend. Even worse, I was in a state of confusion. Did I really hear from God? Here in lies the test; a major test that seems to keep reoccurring in my life. This is something I struggled with for so long: Will I listen to God or will I listen to someone else?

As mentioned before, this isn’t the first time I went through this. The first time I failed the test horribly. It was spring 2019, God told me to get Pre Approved for a home; however, I didn’t have the funds in my account. Fear consumed me as I thought about God giving me false instructions. So I sought a friend on the matter. Needless to say, she told me that I did not hear from God. That God would never lead me to do something so reckless and I needed to go back and re learn God’s voice. She spoke directly to my fears and I left feeling ashamed, doubtful, and worthless. How could I get it so wrong? How could I miss God’s voice? For months, I cried to God and asked for His help. For months, I was confused wondering did God really speak to me or was that my own desire? Finally, God spoke to me through Pastor Mike Todd’s Crazy Faith series. In part 1 of the series, Pastor Mike explained that God gave him a crazy vision. By faith, Transformation Church would own the Spirit Bank Event Center in Tulsa, OK. He only told a handful of trustworthy people. If he had told others, they may have discouraged him. The video ended with him dancing on the roof of the building holding the keys.

God said to me, I’m trying to do that with you, but you’re playing.

In that moment, I knew God spoke to me earlier in the year, but my fear and disobedience led to a delayed blessing.

Fast-forward to the beginning of this year (2020), God took me through a series of faith steps to train me on how to hear His voice, how to discern His voice from my own, and from the enemy. (I’ll also share this with you in my next Blog Post). It was 8 months of training and then the test began. God definitely tests His children, especially if He is preparing you for ministry.

Deuteronomy 13:3 reads,

“…The Lord your God is testing you to find out whether you love Him

with all your heart and with all your soul.” (NIV)

God opened a door for me to be blessed in a major way. I had waited so long and my year had been so crazy, I was so happy to get some relief. On the first day of the blessing, I received a prophecy from someone I barely knew.

She said, “God said there’s going to be a major test. Stand firm on your convictions and don’t let your desires overtake you.”

I was concerned. What if I fail the test? What exactly is the test? Of course the person giving me the prophecy didn’t have those details. So I prayed on it. God confirmed that there was a test. He gave me clear instructions, Wake up everyday and ask Me what to do.

So I did and each day He ordered my steps.

The direction God gave me was clear. It led me to the blessing He had for me. But my closest friend, at the time, thought I was being deceived into choosing a curse for my life. She called me with “prophecies” that were contrary to the word God spoke to me. Now, I recognize how foolish this sounds. Clearly the simple step is to listen to God, but part of me wondered did I really hear from Him? What if my friend was correct? All of her messages were “urgent” and she needed me to listen and act right away. However, all of her messages left me confused, fearful, and tormented. I had no peace. These are all clear signs that her messages were not from God and she probably spoke from her own desires. I recognized that this was the test. It was the same test from last year just a different scenario and different people. I had so much peace when I chose to listen to God.

I thought the test would end there, but it didn’t. Actually things got way worst. I lost my friend and the warfare persisted even after I obtained my blessing. It got to a point that I despised it. I cried daily to the Lord because the enemy was trying to convince me that my blessing was a curse. He fed me lies and tried to bully me out of it. This went on for a month. The enemy’s voice was louder than God’s because I was in a state of confusion. It was hard for me to read the bible, listen to sermons, and I didn’t know who to go to for support.


Every now and then God’s voice would break through the chaos and whisper, I’ve prepared you for this. The answer lies in your heart. Remember who you are.”

This was important for me to receive because the enemy tried to get me to doubt my identity. If I doubted who I was then I also doubted who God called me to be. If I doubted who He called me to be then I doubted I heard from Him. Every decision I made this year was based off the fact that God spoke. If the enemy succeeded I would’ve quit ministry.

This is the enemy’s goal. If we quit or even lose our ministry then we never fulfill our God given purpose and the people we are called to suffers. This is outlined in 1 Kings 12-13. This is the story of a young prophet that God used to speak powerfully and perform signs and wonders. God gave him specific instruction – to deliver a message and then go home taking a different route not stopping to have dinner at anyone’s house. However, an older prophet, who used to be popular, heard about the young prophet and wanted to meet him.

1 Kings 13:14-22 reads:

14 Then he said to him, “Are you the man of God who came from Judah?”

And he said, “I am.”

15 Then he said to him, “Come home with me and eat bread.”

16 And he said, “I cannot return with you nor go in with you; neither can I eat bread nor drink water with you in this place. 17 For I have been told by the word of the Lord, ‘You shall not eat bread nor drink water there, nor return by going the way you came.’ ”

18 He said to him, “I too am a prophet as you are, and an angel spoke to me by the word of the Lord, saying, ‘Bring him back with you to your house, that he may eat bread and drink water.’ ” (He was lying to him.)

19 So he went back with him, and ate bread in his house, and drank water.

20 Now it happened, as they sat at the table, that the word of the Lord came to the prophet who had brought him back; 21 and he cried out to the man of God who came from Judah, saying, “Thus says the Lord: ‘Because you have disobeyed the word of the Lord, and have not kept the commandment which the Lord your God commanded you, 22 but you came back, ate bread, and drank water in the place of which the Lord said to you, “Eat no bread and drink no water,” your corpse shall not come to the tomb of your fathers.’ ”

 Shortly after the young prophet headed home and a lion struck him down. His doubt and disobedience cut his ministry short. He never fulfilled his God given purpose. The enemy tries to get us to doubt the word that God gave us, so that we would:

  1. Give up waiting
  2. Doubt God’s power
  3. Take our eyes off God long enough to kill our ministry

That day, at the height of my battle, when the enemy tried to convince me to give up my blessing God told me to fight for what’s mine. I needed to remember what God originally spoke to me, before doubt crept in, before the lies of the enemy, before confusion overtook me. God told me, “This is a blessing I have for you. There is purpose for you here.” I held on to that hope and I fought back standing firm on my convictions and firm on God’s word. I had officially passed the test!

If you’re struggling with a word that God gave you because it’s taking too long to come to fruition use the below guidelines. God instructed me to do this and it really helped.

  1. Remain in Position – Our position is prayer. During prayer ask God for help, but also rebuke the devil and bind his powers. Speaking these words stops the enemy in his tracks.
  2. Recite God’s Spoken Word Daily – Faith comes by hearing. Hearing by the word of God… Especially your words. The more I declared God’s word the more I believed that it would happen.
  3. Every day seek God for guidance – Man shall not live on bread alone but every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God. This is a real thing. Every day God gave me direction to listen for His voice. He always reminded me that He was there.
  4. Don’t let the enemy bully you out of what God has for you. – The reality is the enemy has no power over you. He can’t physically steal your blessings, but he can deceive you into giving it up. Check out Genesis 25:29-34. He only has access to what you allow him to.


If you found this blog helpful then feel free to check out my other blogs and videos by selecting Here. I’d love to hear about your battle and how God helped you overcome it, so Leave a comment below.