Book of Star

Step into Your Power

Create Engaging And Authentic Content

I’ve been creating content for 3 years. God told me back in January 2018, “It’s time to tell your story.” It was nerve wrecking at first, but God sent a team to help me get started. In two years I learned how to pose, how to have an on camera presence, and how to write content. In addition, I discovered my voice and my fashion style – modern chic! I didn’t know that my obedience and consistency would lead me to becoming a nano influencer growing a community both on Instagram and TikTok. I’ve had more clients reach out to me this year than in the past two years. People are DM’ing me for coaching sessions on how to create engaging and authentic content. My content is highly shareable across both platforms. However, with great content comes great responsibility. Before I get there though let me backtrack a little.

Back in November 2020, I decided to finally start creating content full time. I’d like to say that this was all my idea, but honestly I’d been feeling a nudge from the Holy Spirit. Earlier in the year God told me to quit my job and 11 months in jobs weren’t lining up to interview me. I recognized that if I poured all my attention into creating content I could use it as my digital resume for when companies do reach out. I posted my first couple of videos on TikTok and it got a couple hundred views. My Instagram was performing better, so I decided to post on TikTok once a week. My posting strategy on IG has been 5 days a week Monday-Friday. It’s been successful, so why change it. In December I posted my, “Issa Delta Christmas” video on both TikTok and IG. The video took off. I got 200 new followers on IG and 2000 on TikTok in one day. I thought at first it was a fluke, but then a couple weeks later I posted my, “Diva” video and it nearly went viral. It had over 463k views on IG and over 50k on TikTok. The video brought in 100 followers a day on both platforms for several weeks. That’s when I realized I needed to keep creating content like that. So I did. However, it felt like I was shooting all the time. I had no time to rest, no time to chill with friends, and no self-care days. I felt like a machine in a factory on its last leg plus I still didn’t have enough content to post. So I kept praying and asking God for a plan. That’s when God dropped in my spirit that I needed a content calendar. This opened me up to a whole new side of content creation.

Content Calendar

I had long despised content calendars because I felt like while I was planning I could be shooting. But let me tell you how this calendar changed my life. It immediately organized me. I use Google Sheets for my calendar. Other good options are Excel, Numbers, pretty much anything with a grid. I create tabs for each month i.e. Tab 1 = January, Tab 2 = February all the way to December. I go through each day and fill in content ideas. I use the National Days Calendar for national holidays and fill it onto my content calendar so that I can get an idea of what content to create for that month. From there I Google popular topics for lifestyle blogs. Lifestyle blogging is my niche and it’s really important that when you are creating content you stay on brand or else your audience will get confused. They like to know who they are following and why. Finally I was able to fill in the calendar for the entire month. But it’s best to fill in the calendar with loose content ideas because the world is unpredictable. You want to be flexible just in case a new trend starts or something major happens that becomes breaking news. You always want to be relevant and speaking what the people wants to hear. I fill in my calendar month to month; some people do it quarter to quarter, others annually. Figure out what works for you and do it.

Visual Content Calendar

Now that we have the content calendar let’s talk about the visuals. I create a visual content calendar to mimic my written calendar. It’s photo and videos of the topics and ideas that you came up with for your content calendar. Now, some people place these visuals directly on their calendar, but I’d prefer to use an app for this. There are lots of apps that you can connect to your IG that will show you your feed in real time. It helps you to organize your content in a way that is aesthetically pleasing. The app I like to use is Color Story. I use the free version, but if you pay for it you can create really nice filters for your photos to help give it a consistent look. Other apps that you can use are Planoly, Unum, and Plann. I’ve used all these apps and all are great. It’s key to note that this visual content calendar dictates my written calendar because it’s what’s maintaining the aesthetics for my page. I can move photos and videos around in Color Story to come up with a consistent theme for my page. Then I go back to Google Sheets and arrange the days to match my visual calendar. In order to successfully use the calendar you can pull ideas and inspiration from Pinterest, Google, or other IG pages and arrange it to your liking. This will dictate what and how you need to shoot. Consider this your mood board. For example if you select a bunch of photos of people standing in front of various flower walls then you’ll need find locations with various flower walls and shoot there. Colors, angles, and lighting are key to maintaining the aesthetics for your page. I’m a bit of a rebel, but I like to shoot first and then arrange my photos. This probably isn’t the best way to do this, but I do it because it works for me. However, I am still discovering the aesthetics for my page.

 

Shoot Schedule

So we have the content calendar, the visual content calendar, the only thing missing is the schedule. After you have your content planned out for the month it’s time to create. It’s easier to set aside shoot days and editing days. For me, I shoot Monday-Wednesday. I try to shoot about 9 videos or 5 videos and 3-4 sets of photos within these days. I separate my video shoot days from my photography sessions. Thursday-Friday I edit, do speaking engagements, write, and/or catch up on emails. It is so important that I have these days because if I’m only shooting then I’ll never be able to post because none of my content will be edited. Saturdays are my pick up days. I shoot whatever I didn’t get to shoot during the week and I use this time to go through my content calendar for the following week to make sure I have everything I need to post. I also leave this day open to hang with family and friends. Sundays are my rest days. If I don’t get my rest then I’ll be useless during the week. I pour so much out so it’s important that I spend this time with God so that He can refill me.

Posting Strategy

Now that I’m all organized I’m creating content at a faster rate. I no longer feel like I am falling behind and I barely miss a post date. This type of consistency builds a trust in my audience because they know that they can expect a post from me Monday-Friday at 8:05a on IG and 9a on TikTok. So how did I get this posting time? In order for me to be successful on social media I needed a posting strategy. It wasn’t easy mainly because I didn’t know what it was until now. So here are some tips that I follow:

– Check your IG analytics. If you have a business profile then you can check your analytics and IG will let you know when your audience is mostly on. For me, IG kept giving me random times, but my friends kept telling me that each morning they go on social media I’m the first person they see. They told me way before the algorithm switched to its latest version so I decided if I wanted to catch people in the morning I needed to catch them before they got to work. So 8:05a works because people are either traveling to work or eating breakfast. It’s best to post during breakfast, lunch, or dinnertime. During these down times people are on social media. And if you catch them while they’re commuting that’s like hitting the lottery.

– Create your content in these buckets. These four categories will help to diversify your content.

Informational

Inspirational

Personal

Entertainment

Informational

If you are selling a product (which you are even if it’s a lifestyle) people love getting tips. Your tips can range from how to organize your home to best products to purchase to ease foot pain. Of course, you should stay on brand. So if you’re a photographer share information on photography like how to get the best lighting for a selfie. If you’re a chef then you could share recipes to help lose weight. Whatever it is make sure that it is informing your audience. This will help to set you up as an expert in your field.

Inspirational

Everyone loves some encouragement especially since we’re at the one-year mark of the Covid pandemic. Your inspirational content could range from encouraging people not to give up to loving the body you’re in. Of course the inspirational content should be on brand. So if you’re a trainer inspire people to take care of their mind, body, and soul. If you’re a Mom inspire other moms whose kids are driving them insane. This strategy is helpful because you will now become the sounding voice in someone’s hectic day. That can make all the difference in their life and keep them coming back for more.

Personal

Here’s where you pull out the big guns. BE AUTHENTIC. Tell your audience about you. Not just tips on what you like, but a personal touching story that will resonate with your audience. I remember the first time I did this I shared something super traumatizing. I was raped when I was a teenager and I’m not really sure why I shared it, but the entire time I was writing it I was holding my breath. When I finally hit post I immediately put my phone away. I went back on IG about an hour later and there were so many people commenting and congratulating me for my bravery to share. It helped other women share too. Now your personal story doesn’t have to be that deep, but mine was. I’m known for my rawness on social media. My main goal and purpose is to help set others free and I do that by sharing my story. For the Bible says, “We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the telling of our testimony” – Revelation 12:11. However, you can share stories on how graduating college changed your life, or your first time baking an apple pie and how terrible it came out (btw that really happened to me and I vowed never to make apple pie again lol), or how your favorite holiday is Easter. Whatever it is be genuine and your audience will love it why… because in our culture we value authenticity.

When we’re buying into a brand we’re really buying into the story and you, my friend, are a brand! @karmelrose

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Entertainment

This is probably my favorite thing to post on IG right now – Reels. Utilize Reels. IG is competing with TikTok and they are pushing reels to larger audiences, SO USE IT. For me, I post a reel a week and I use it strictly for entertainment purposes. I post all of my transition videos on it and my audience loves it! They repost it, share it, comment and save it. It is a lot of fun. Your entertainment should make people laugh, feel joy and really forget about their problems for however long your post is. Don’t hold back either. People use social media as a way of escape and if you can help them do that then they’ll always come back for more. TikTok has lots of trends that you can follow, so I suggest using this app to inspire your reels.

 

– Strategy for Posting on IG. Social media was designed for you to be social and engage with others. So of course the more you’re on it the more it will feed your content to people. On IG, it’s best to make 5 posts a week. Best days to post are Tuesday-Thursday for some reason the engagements are higher on these days. Post 3-4 stories a day. Talking on a video for 1 minute and then posting it to your stories can easily accomplish this. If you don’t want to do that you can post quotes or share other people’s content. The stories are used to show your audience your authentic self so you can even post your daily routine on it. Host one IG Live a week. I’ll admit this is a bit excessive, but it works for some people. I try to host a Live twice a month. A good rule of thumb is to be on that Live for the full hour because the longer you’re on it the more people IG alerts to watch.

– Strategy for Posting on TikTok. TikTok is evolving every day. It’s replacing reality TV. I’m kidding. Idk if that’s true, but people are on it all the time. The best thing to do on TikTok is post 3-4 times a day. The videos can be a total 10 seconds to catch and keep your audience’s attention. TikTok is highly popularized by its trends. So if you see a trend hop on it. Again, you must stay on brand. Since I’ve branded myself as someone who does transition videos not every trend is for me. I have to use the ones that allow me to still add my own twist to it. Discover your brand and stick to it. I’ll also admit I only post once a day on TikTok mainly because my videos take a little longer to create. I don’t want to cheapen my brand by rushing to meet TikTok’s daily quota. Keep in mind that posting once a day could delay growing your following quickly; but you have to choose what’s more important quality or quantity? Quality is my brand style so I choose that above anything else.

I know that this could be a lot to execute, so start slow. Each step builds on the first, so start with your content calendar and visual content calendar then from there implement your shoot schedule and then everything else. These strategies helped organize me and propelled me into creating authentic and engaging content.

 

If this blog was helpful feel free to check out

my other content Here.

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The Sacrifice: 21 Day Fast

For 21 Days I gave up food to draw closer to God. I know it sounds crazy. What’s the point of fasting anyways? Plus, what do you do when you feel the hunger pains? I talk all about my journey during this fast. It started off easy, but then midway through I had stomach pains that was extremely hard to shake. I had a choice to either give up or continue on. Check out my journey plus I’m giving you tips on how to prepare for your fast. If you’re a beginner this video will help with starting out. If you’re seasoned this video will inspire you to take your fasting up a notch.

 

If you enjoyed this video feel free to check out

my other content Here.

Let’s Chat: What’s your fasting experience like?

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God’s Love Language

In 2015 I was going through a rough time in my relationship. My ex and I weren’t seeing eye to eye. We weren’t arguing, but he didn’t feel loved and neither did I. It was the strangest thing because we loved each other very much, but it seemed like something was lacking. I started researching to see if I could find anything to help and that’s when I came across the book, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate,” by Dr. Gary Chapman. There’s a test in the book to help you find your love language. So both me and my ex did it and I discovered that my primary love languages are Gifts and Acts of Service. My ex’s was Quality Time. It all made sense. There were times he shunned the gifts I got him. He thought I was trying to “buy his love.” But I also felt stifled because of all the time he wanted to spend with me. I was expressing my love the way I wanted to be loved instead of the way he wanted to be loved and vice versa.

It got me thinking, if we have love languages, does God? And the answer is yes! God has 5 love languages. I’m pretty sure He has more because He is infinite, but these are the 5 the Holy Spirit gave me.

  1. Quality Time
  2. Words of Declaration
  3. Spiritual Touch
  4. Gifts
  5. Acts of Service

Unlike humans,

God’s Love Languages aren’t so that God can feel loved by us, but it is so that we could build an intimate relationship with Him.

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Quality Time

After sending them [the crowds] home, He [Jesus] went up into the hills by Himself to pray. Night fell while He was there alone.

Matt 14:23

Before daybreak the next morning Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray.

Mark 1:35

I’m often asked, “How do you hear from God?” The truth is there is no formula to hearing God speak. It takes time, patience, and a desire to hear from Him. We have to foster an environment of listening and spending quality time with God is the perfect way to do this. There are practical activities that you can do to accomplish this. Here are some of my favorites:

Color with God – with this activity I use an adult coloring book with some markers. Sometimes I play music to set the mood. I pay attention to the colors I’m using. I pay attention to the emotions that are coming up. Sometimes God is drawing out an emotion because it’s something that needs to be addressed. For instance, God used coloring to point out that I was disappointed in Him and how it would take over my life if it continued to go unaddressed.

Drink wine with God – This is a great opportunity to have a conversation with God. Speak out loud to Him. Don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone. It takes faith to hear God and we demonstrate our faith by doing activities like this.

Dinner with God – I know people who set an extra plate for God expecting Him to show up and have dinner with them. And He does!

Watch a movie with God – You can ask God to give you a spiritual eye so that when you’re watching the movie you will see God in it. This is actually a lot of fun because you’ll get the spiritual meaning behind the movie too.

Read His word – This is how you will know how God sounds, responds and His guidelines for speaking to us.

Drink tea with God

Workout with God

Morning Stretch with God

Write God love songs

Write God poetry

There are many examples in the Word of others who spent quality time with God and because of this God used them mightily in leading His people.

  • David wrote love songs to God in the field (Book of Psalms)
  • Daniel prayed daily (Daniel 6:10)
  • Adam in the Garden (Genesis 2)
  • Enoch walked with God and then was not (Genesis 5:24)

Question: What are some practical activities you do to spend Quality Time with God?

 

Words of Declaration

For all the promises of God in Him are Yes and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.

2 Cor 1:20

Words of Declaration is speaking God’s words back to Him and claiming His promises in our life. There is power in words. God created this world with the spoken word and has given that same power to us. When we speak God’s promises over our lives we are activating its power, coming into agreement with the Holy Spirit, and commanding the heavenly hosts (angels) to move on our behalf. There are 3000+ promises in the word of God and we need to claim them all by declaring it! When I was struggling in my finances God showed me that my negative words was binding His power in my life. I needed to come out of agreement with satan and speak God’s promises for my life. When I started doing this I noticed an instant change in my finances. My bank account was no longer in the negative and I no longer felt broke. You could read more about this in my IG post here. In fact, I’m in a season right now where I’m still unemployed, but I’m able to purchase whatever I want because of God’s faithfulness. When we speak His promises it now comes alive in our life and continues to move on our behalf.

Here are some examples of God’s Promises

  1. I am a Child of God anything I ask will be given to me
  2. I am God’s Beloved nothing and no one can separate me from His Love
  3. My Father withholds no good gifts from me
  4. I have peace that surpasses all understanding
  5. God did not give me the spirit of fear but of Power, Love, and a Sound Mind
  6. I trust God and He will never put me to shame
  7. I am blessed and highly favored
  8. I am empowered to prosper
  9. I am the lender not the borrower
  10. When I command the mountains to move they move

Question: What promises are you declaring over your life?

 

Spiritual Touch

Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:23-24

When the Holy Spirit gave me this love language it blew my mind. Spiritual Touch represents full surrender to God. It’s demonstrated in three areas.

Faith in Him and the faith that He has in us – It takes Faith to please God Heb 11:6. God’s faith in us empowers us to go beyond our limitations. Addison Bevere, in her blog on God’s love languages quotes, “His love revealed through faith offers new wings, lifting us into the wonder of our true self in Christ!” Because of God’s faith in me I can literally do anything. I have overcome so much fear. I went from a socially anxious, depressed, sexually traumatized, young girl who was afraid of the dark to a powerful woman of God determined to help set others free by teaching them how to step into their power. Because of my faith in God, I quit my job and launched my ministry, “Whisper: Hearing God.” It includes a Master Class, coaching sessions, and soon to be Bible Study.

Obedience – Obedience is a heart posture. It’s our heart saying yes to God’s will and way. A lot of times we think that obedience is in the “acts” we do, but obedience starts when we say yes to God in our hearts. For example, God told me to quit my job. I obeyed the minute I said, “ok God I will do that.” The action of quitting my job is only an outward expression of what was in my heart. Sometimes we think that the more work we do the more it will please God. But this is a false idea because man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart 1 Sam 16:7. The Pharisees in the bible often did a lot of “works” fasting, praying long prayers, ritualistic hand washing and their hearts were so far from God. It’s important that we pray daily and ask God to search us and expose our hearts.

Worship in Spirit and Truth (John 4:24) – God is Spirit and those who have the Holy Spirit living within them will worship in the Holy Spirit as He reveals the truth that Jesus died for our sins and raised to life again. Only the Holy Spirit could reveal this to us. This is the first step in our Christian walk and it is the foundation of our belief. This example of full surrender is crucial because we reject the world and accept Christ as our personal Lord and savior. We may be called foolish, we may be ridiculed for our decision, but there is safety in believing that my life is not my own and belongs to God.

Notice that all three of these represent the condition of the human heart. This love language has nothing to do with works, but everything to do with our heart posture towards God.

Question: When was a time you struggled with surrendering to God? What Happened?

 

Gifts

For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. 15 To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away

Matthew 25:14-15

When I was younger I used to ask all the time how do we bless God? It seemed like such a strange thought as it would seem odd to bless a God who has everything. But God revealed to me that we bless Him by giving back to Him what He has given us; for example our talents, time, offering, charity, our body (hands and feet), our life, our ministry etc. When I first started learning about tithing I was reluctant to give. I didn’t want to give away my hard earned money. But when God revealed that He has given me the money, He’s the one that made a way for me to get the job I was happy to give back to Him. The same with my talents, my time, in fact I have told God that anything that comes from my body including dreams, businesses, ministry, and children belongs to Him. I have surrendered all to the God who has surrendered His life for me. My gifts are nothing compared to the gifts He has given me, but I know that the Father is pleased because He uses all of my gifts to help His children. That’s what this is all about. We give back to God so He can multiply it so that we can help more people.

It’s also important to note that we must also be in a posture to receive. God gives good gifts, but He only gives it to those who desire it and can receive it. I remember a couple of years ago my heart was so closed to receiving gifts from God. I had a pride issue rooted in pain from my Father leaving me when I was a kid. I didn’t want to receive anything from anyone unless I was able to give it back. But the biggest issue with this is God is infinite. I can never repay Him. As God worked on my pride and healed my wound I was able to receive. This is so important because our receiving isn’t just for us. Whatever God gives to us is used to bless others. We are just the vessel that God funnels the blessings through.

Question: How do you bless God and are you in a position to receive His gifts?

 

Acts of Service

I was hungry and you gave Me food, thirsty and you gave Me drink, stranger and you took Me in, naked and you clothed Me, sick and you visited Me, in prison and you came to Me. Then the righteous will ask, “When did we do those things?” And the King will answer, “In as much as you did it to one of the least of those, you did it to Me.”

Matt 25:35-40

If someone says, “I love God” and hates his brother he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this is the commandment that we have from Him: That he who loves God must love his brother also.

1 John 4:20-21

Acts of Service is focused on tending to God’s people. The way we treat people is a direct relation to how we treat God. Some of us cut God off a long time ago and we don’t even know it. Jesus came to seek and save those who are lost. Once He ascended to Heaven He tasked us with the same mission. He uses us as a vessel, but some of us are so self-focused, rooted in offense and unforgiveness, or biased and racist, that we cannot be used. Our attitudes toward others that look different, act different, talk different, live different, and vote different should be the same. It should all be rooted in love because that’s what Jesus has called us to do. Love one another just like we love God. And we love God above everything else. It’s when we operate in love that we can truly express this love language for God because then we will have a desire for His people and a desire to help. God created us to be interconnected and He called us to serve one another.

Question: How do you treat the people who hurt you? Do you still love them or did you cut them off too?

God’s Love Languages are a major way for us to express our love to Him. It helps us to build an intimate relationship and go deeper with God. It sets an atmosphere for listening and checks the temperature of our heart.

 

I hope you found this helpful. If you enjoyed this blog feel free to check out my other blogs Here.

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Why I Stopped Masturbating

I remember being at a Women’s Conference at my friend’s church and in the midst of worship I threw my hands up in the air and said to God, “Whatever you want me to do I’ll do it!” He responded, “Throw out your vibrator.” Embarrassed and perplexed, I went home and threw out Jorge (that’s what I called my vibrator). I didn’t know that my obedience was going to lead me to victory in a battle with lust and ultimately giving up masturbation. Check out the full video for the story. I also talk about how I maintain walking in purity by setting boundaries to ensure that I don’t slip again.

 

I hope you found this helpful. If you enjoyed this blog feel free to check out my other blogs Here.

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While Adam Was Sleeping: Your Role as a Single

You ever heard this love story?

Boy meets Girl…

Boy and Girl date…

Boy and Girl fall in love…

Boy and Girl fall out of love…

Boy and Girl break up!

Pretty sure we’ve all experienced some form of this whether the L word is love, lust or straight up infatuation. But this story doesn’t result in marriage. A lot of us are so caught up in dating the “world’s way” that we fail to ask God what’s His way for dating. I’ve been single for 3 years now and one year into my singleness God started revealing my husband to me. God would drop a word in my spirit to reveal my husband’s character, then He’d show me a vision of my husband and I doing ministry together, finally He showed me His face in a dream. You could read more about this in my blog: Last Night I Met My Husband In a Dream. On the other hand, I know some people that God has revealed their spouse to them in real life, but God didn’t give the same heads up to their spouse. So the question becomes what do you when you know marriage is on the horizon, but your Adam is fast asleep?

While Adam was sleeping refers to the development season of a man’s life. During this time God is stabling him, healing him, giving him work ethics, and revealing his purpose. He’s not dating/not ready for marriage, which means he’s still asleep like Adam in the Garden when God was performing major surgery on him. During this time it’s crucial to know your role. We’re going to look at 5 stories and glean from these powerful women in order to better understand your role as a single.

 

Eve

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”

Genesis 2:21-23

I really like this text because it’s not often we look at the very first marriage as guidance for our relationships. After all they barely dated and pretty much got married the day they met. This is the original Love at First Sight. However, if we allow the Holy Spirit to teach us there are 4 things we can glean from this text.

  1. Before God presented Eve, He closed up Adam’s wound – this represents the man’s healing. A lot of us have experienced trauma, pain, and heartbreak and before we get married it is God’s desire to heal us through and through. Some of us are still holding onto pain from our childhood. God wants to heal our physical, spiritual, emotional, and soul wounds. Some of us are dating with open wounds and bleeding all over the person we’re called to love. This causes lots of fighting, insecurities, and lack of trust that will lead to a division in the relationship. But when we allow God to heal us BEFORE we start dating the odds of a healthy relationship is much higher. In short, let God heal your man!
  1. God formed Eve while Adam was still asleep – This is God forming you [the woman]. He is showing you YOUR worth, YOUR power, YOUR authority, and who He created YOU to be – which is a partner equally ruling with your spouse. Some of us are seeking relationships but don’t know who we are. We’re still seeking identity in every guy we meet. But if we are still enough to let just one guy [Jesus] show us – we can eliminate jumping from one relationship to the next.
  1. God brought Eve to Adam when He was fully awake and could recognize her. God was very intentional about this. God didn’t allow Eve to wake Adam from his deep sleep, nor was Adam awakened too early. Nope! It was God’s perfect timing so that when Adam laid his eyes on Eve he knew right away she was his wife. There was no second-guessing or questioning if she was the one or not. Here’s a tip, very often a man knows right away when he wants to marry someone. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is unsure they want to get married, unsure that you’re the one, don’t try to change his mind. He is telling the truth. It’s best to walk away and collect what’s left of your heart and present it to God for healing.
  1. Adam named her and claimed her – Because Adam was fully awake and able to recognize his wife he gave her a title and he claimed her as his. Some people say that titles do not matter, but I will tell you right now that titles DO MATTER. A title gives you authority and let’s you know the role you play. Think of it like working at a job. When you first start working they give you a job description. Your title holds a certain weight, lets you know your jurisdiction, and pay grade. If you’re a manager, a director or a VP your title comes with a certain level of responsibility. A janitor couldn’t delegate work to the CEO of a company because his/her job description reflects that he/she was hired to report to the CEO. Without titles there is confusion and disorder and we already know that we serve a God who loves decency and order 1 Cor 14:40. So when you’re single that’s one job description, when you’re dating that’s another job description, as a girlfriend that’s another job description, and wife is another job description. Let’s stop selling ourselves short and trying to convince ourselves that titles don’t matter. You DESERVE a title baby!

 

Ruth

Boaz replied, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. 12 May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.”

13 “May I continue to find favor in your eyes, my lord,” she said. “You have put me at ease by speaking kindly to your servant—though I do not have the standing of one of your servants.”

14 At mealtime Boaz said to her, “Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar.”

When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had some left over. 15 As she got up to glean, Boaz gave orders to his men, “Let her gather among the sheaves and don’t reprimand her. 16 Even pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don’t rebuke her.”

17 So Ruth gleaned in the field until evening. Then she threshed the barley she had gathered, and it amounted to about an ephah.[a] 18 She carried it back to town, and her mother-in-law saw how much she had gathered. Ruth also brought out and gave her what she had left over after she had eaten enough.

So Ruth stayed close to the women of Boaz to glean until the barley and wheat harvests were finished. And she lived with her mother-in-law.

Ruth 2:11-17, 23

 Ruth’s story is very popular. We often quote how Ruth laid at Boaz’s feet because Naomi – “her wing woman” – told her to. But we never focus on the parts that led up to Ruth lying at Boaz’s feet. I only quoted scriptures from chapter 2, but below I outline Ruth’s role as a single from chapters 1,2, and 3.

  1. Ruth Followed God despite the possibility of never marrying again. When Ruth’s husband died, her mother in law Naomi told her to head back home because Naomi couldn’t help her find another man. But Ruth was persistent and pled to follow Naomi anyway – Ruth 1:16-18. Her crazy faith probably made God smile, so He blessed her with a man such as Boaz. She obeyed and allowed God to lead her. How many of us do that even when we don’t see what God is doing in our life? I know I do, and it is not easy. Last year, God told me to pack my boxes because He was getting ready to move me. So I packed in faith with no money in the bank, no job on the line and I waited. One year later and I am still waiting. Believe me I have gone through my emotions. I often wondered if I actually heard God. But faith is believing in God even when we don’t see what’s on the other side. And that’s what Ruth did and thank God she did because Jesus came through her bloodline.
  1. Ruth worked in the field until Harvest season was over and she only worked in Boaz’s field. I really love this part of Ruth’s story. This is where we want to focus our attention. Harvest season lasted for about a year. So for one full year, Ruth was out working. She was not dating anyone. She was doing what she was told to do faithfully. Some of us single women have work to do. Your work could be ministry, building a business, watching children, tending to others, or even working a 9-5. For me, I’m building a ministry. God has released me to teach a Master Class on how to hear His voice, teach a weekly bible study, and build a media brand. Don’t ignore the task that God has given you. He is testing you to see if you’re obedient, responsible, and accountable. Nonetheless, Ruth wasn’t sliding into other men’s field trying to get their attention. She only worked for Boaz. In the field, Boaz and Ruth also got to know one another in a group setting. They weren’t going on personal dates. No, they watched how each other interacted with the other people in the field in order to learn each other’s character. The field God has called you to work in is designed to reveal your character. Don’t run from it, but rise to the occasion and impress your Father, so that He can see that you are ready for more responsibility.
  1. Ruth took care of her household/ her mother in law. Ruth brought food back to Naomi after working in the field. She also took care of her humble home until God upgraded her. She was a nurturer, cared for her family, and honored her mother in law. It’s important to note that while Ruth was doing these things, people were reporting back to Boaz. We know this because in vs 11, Boaz says, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband.” Your husband could be watching you now so it’s important to allow God to work on any character flaws so that you will be ready for marriage.
  1. After her preparation (in the field), she beautified herself and presented herself to Boaz by lying at his feet. This part we quote often as a way to tell women to make the first move. But in all actuality lying at “his” feet was Ruth going to Boaz in total humility and submission as was the custom for servants back then. She waited for the instruction of Boaz – Ruth 3:7-10. She didn’t badger him, she wasn’t desperate, and she was patient. Some women are chasing their man. I’d advise you to stop. The bible says, He who finds a wife finds a good thing – Proverbs 18:22. It doesn’t say she who finds a man. It’s okay to make your presence known, and it’s okay to let a guy know that you’re interested by being inviting – waiving, engaging in convo and having an open spirit and then waiting for the man to make the move. Before Ruth made her request known she waited for Boaz to give instructions. Some of us are so quick to bag a man “because it’s modern day dating” that we don’t recognize we’re out of order. Trust me, men love to do the chasing. So sit back and wait to be chased/found.

 

Esther

So it was, when the king’s command and decree were heard, and when many young women were gathered at [h]Shushan the [i]citadel, under the custody of Hegai, that Esther also was taken to the king’s palace, into the care of Hegai the custodian of the women. 9 Now the young woman pleased him, and she obtained his favor; so he readily gave beauty preparations to her, besides [j]her allowance. Then seven choice maidservants were provided for her from the king’s palace, and he moved her and her maidservants to the best place in the house of the women.

Esther 2:8-9

Each young woman’s turn came to go in to King Ahasuerus after she had completed twelve months’ preparation, according to the regulations for the women, for thus were the days of their preparation apportioned: six months with oil of myrrh, and six months with perfumes and preparations for beautifying women.

Esther 2:12

I remember reading Esther three times in the span of a couple of months last year. God really wanted me to understand this story. There are many things we can glean from Esther, but here are the five I want us to focus on.

  1. Esther was moved into the Palace – For some of you your spouse is not where you reside and God will move/ bring you to him. Don’t take things into your own hands and up and move. Let God move you.

 

  1. Esther had 12 months of beauty prep – Some of you are hidden and God needs to work on you, heal you, and beautify you. Don’t rush the process.

 

  1. God revealed Esther to the King after her preparation – Some of you are dating when it’s not your season to date. It is your season for healing. It’s best to let God finish doing a work in you so that you will be prepared to be a wife. Some people end up dating for 10+ years, not leading to marriage, because they skipped the healing process. If the goal is marriage then it’s best to do it God’s way.

 

  1. Esther obtained favor wherever she went – You don’t need to flaunt your stuff, be boastful, or an overachiever, let God do the talking for you. He will place the right people in your path to help elevate you when the time is right.

 

  1. When going to see the King, Esther took the advice of the King’s Eunuch and only requested what he told her to – You don’t need gimmicks, or deceit or extravagant gestures to catch your spouse’s attention. God will make you stand out.

 

Shunammite Woman

 One day Elisha went to Shunem. And a well-to-do woman was there, who urged him to stay for a meal. So whenever he came by, he stopped there to eat. 9 She said to her husband, “I know that this man who often comes our way is a holy man of God. 10 Let’s make a small room on the roof and put in it a bed and a table, a chair and a lamp for him. Then he can stay there whenever he comes to us.”

2 Kings 4:8

This one’s for the Alpha woman. You got your ish together. You got a high paying job, you drive a fancy car, bought your home, you a true Boss Chick! The Shunem woman in the above text was just like you and she got married too. So I want to tell you right now just in case you never heard this, 

ALPHA WOMEN GET LOVE TOO. @bookofstar

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So don’t settle for a mediocre man who can barely pull his weight and makes you feel insecure about your success. God will send you a humbled man who will cheer you on.

  1. The Shunammite Woman was wealthy and her husband was not, yet she still sought his advice on what to do with “their” money. When the woman wanted to build an extension to the house she asked her husband for his input. Why? Because she was humble and recognized she was in a partnership. Some of us women have the “Strong Black Woman I Don’t Need a Man” attitude and that’s okay. But it’s very important to note that a man wants to feel needed. He wants to feel like he can contribute to your life. It’s how he was created. It’s part of his design. If you take away his ability to provide, protect, and please you he will go searching elsewhere until his needs are met. So of course you don’t dumb yourself down to get the man’s attention but you humble yourself and make sure you let him know that this is a partnership. His voice is welcomed and he matters too.
  1. She was married and she still did God’s work. Do I need to even explain this? Our marriage is a ministry. God didn’t bless us with a spouse for us to then become lazy and never serve again. Absolutely not! We still have work to do. Nonetheless, the Shunnamite Woman was also proactive about her Father’s work.
  1. Her husband let her shine. She did not dim her light to maintain the relationship. In fact, once she included her husband in the plans, her husband let her make the decision. Again because this is a partnership and both parties have equal respect for another.

 

Mary

At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, 40 where she entered Zechariah’s home and greeted Elizabeth. 41 When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. 42 In a loud voice she exclaimed: “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! 43 But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? 44 As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. 45 Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!”

Luke 1:39-45

Mary’s story is dope because she represents the woman who has been touched by God. This is the woman that God works through in a mighty way, she’s on fire for Him, and He trusts her with His miracle BEFORE she gets married. This woman is also an Alpha female who has her own ministry, probably the pastor of a church, or the CEO.

  1. God impregnated Mary – For some of you God has impregnated you with something fierce and He has trusted you to carry it. It could be a business, ministry, a book, a script, a movie, a performance, a community etc. At this time you’re not dating, but you’re focused on giving birth. Don’t abort what God has given you because you think you will not get a man. God is faithful and He will bring your spouse to you. Someone that God also trusts to raise a baby that does not belong to him!
  1. Mary went to someone else who was pregnant with a miracle – You need a community! You need to be around other women who understand what you’re going through because they have or are going through it too. They will encourage you during your singleness to remind you that God has not forgotten you. You have a miracle growing inside you.
  1. Mary was Pregnant BEFORE she got married – For some of you, God has already released you into ministry, into that multimillion-dollar business, you’re an Alpha! As stated, Alpha women get love too. The man who comes into your life will see the calling on your life and only help to make you greater. He will compliment you and you both will work on raising this ministry together including growing and expanding it.

 

Your Role as a Single

  1. Let God work on you and form you like Eve, prepare you like Ruth, and beautify you like Esther.
  2. Be about your Father’s Business like Ruth in Boaz’s field and the Shunnamite woman who built the extension of her home for God’s prophet.
  3. Let God lead you and let you know when the time is right to date, meet your spouse, and more. In the mean time be friends with the opposite sex get to know them in a group setting like Ruth and Boaz in the field. Set boundaries so that you do not fall into temptation.
  4. If God does reveal your spouse early, but they don’t recognize you:

            – Don’t wake them too soon – God’s is still working on them or you

            – Qualify the season you’re in as well as the guy’s season. That person is an Adam, but he may not be your Adam or he may not be your Adam right now.

 

As I conclude this blog I’d like to share with you the Five Stages of Dating when you’re doing it God’s way. This is a tool He gave me to help me understand the season I’m in. It’s called The Real Deal Waiting Process:

  • Reveal – God will show you your identity
  • Heal – God will heal you from past hurts and trauma
  • Anneal – This is a process used to toughen glass or steel by gradually heating and cooling it. You will go through some trials because God is preparing you to be a wife
  • Deal – The wait is long, but God is building your faith
  • Make it Real – God will bring your spouse to you

 

 

I hope you found this helpful. If you enjoyed this blog feel free to check out my other blogs Here.

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